the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize