I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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