This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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