Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
