My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
