You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
