Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize