DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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