i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
