would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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