just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
