She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
