We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
