she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm too high and old for this...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
