dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
