You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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