Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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