it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
