Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
