ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
