My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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