I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
