Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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