I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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