which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
