you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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