a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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