Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
