Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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