He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
