Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize