where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
