Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
