Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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