i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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