It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
