i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize