This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
