They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
