No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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