I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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