Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
