You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
