allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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