I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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