Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
