Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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