I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
