i think my mom watched the whole time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
