It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize