I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
