i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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