Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
