I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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