Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
