3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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