bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
