Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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