I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
