Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
