Girls should come with a carfax report
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
