She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
