I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
