All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
