Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
