I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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