Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
