he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
