Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
