Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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