I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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