oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
