I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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