Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
