OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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