I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
