Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
